Rejection is a part of life, possibly more for writers than some others. It's part and parcel of the process. But for everyone currently being overwhelmed by revisions and queries and critiques and anything else that carries the sting/possible sting of rejection, Jill Corcoran has an interesting post on famous authors and their famous/rude rejections.
How do you handle rejection/the fear of rejection?
With great difficulty! I don't have any kind of outburst though, I hold it in which puts me in a bad mood for a few days. I should probably just cry and let it out, but I keep trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter, and that if I keep perservering, and if I want it enough, that I'll get there one day. Try getting me to believe what I tell myself though! LOL
ReplyDeleteI have yet to handle rejection because I haven't sent out a query letter. However when being critiqued I try and hold my breath until they let me know how I did. I don't want them not to like it so with great difficulty I wait it out and hope for the best. Eat some ice cream, yell at the television screen, you know the usual!
ReplyDeleteUsually I don't have a big problem with the rejections. I tend to count the query as rejected before I even send it. ;) Though I am getting nervous about the prospect of jumping back into querying again after a bad start to my current project. It's gone through major editing since all the previous rejections. It's much stronger now (as is the query), but I'm still nervous about querying it in the fall.
ReplyDeleteAs for critiques. I have one waiting for me in my inbox for the first 20 pages. So far I've had favorable comments on random crits (including my writer's workshops), but the comment in the message (remember it's just my humble opinion) made me too nervous to look at the critique last night. Maybe I'll get the courage to check it out later. ;)
Sometimes they roll off my back, other times I'm devastated for a few days. I liked this article and never knew that about Harry Potter. Very encouraging! Thanks for the link!
ReplyDeleteIt hurts -- a lot. I try to use it as motivation to prove whoever rejected me wrong.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link.
I'm with Karen - it varies. I've been submitting long enough that most rejections are routine. Honestly, my reaction is usually to get a little irritated and/or depressed and then move on. But if it's a story I'm particularly attached to or a market I had high hopes for, it can bum me for a while.
ReplyDeleteI usually feel squishy sad inside for a day, then move on. No sense in worrying about stuff we can't change. I'm with Christine . . . Let's go prove them wrong!
ReplyDeleteMakes the success when it comes all that much sweeter. I look at it this way I'm in league with a whole cast of wonderful, strong writers who have ran the gauntlet themselves before succeeding. (Hugs)Indigo
ReplyDeleteI've only been rejected once, and it made me angry because the reason given seemed really stupid to me. I thought I had followed the guidelines perfectly, but it turns out that they meant something that I didn't understand.
ReplyDeleteI think I should clarify: Many years ago I tried sending a proposal to a Christian romance publisher. One of their specifications was that the story could not involve "denominational issues." I thought this meant that you couldn't have a Catholic and a Baptist arguing over whether drinking alcohol or praying the Rosary were okay. I made my hero Italian and of course he's raised Catholic, but at the time of the story he's attending an evangelical church. So he's not even practicing at the time of the story.
But they didn't like the fact that I had even *mentioned* Catholicism. Apparently everyone is supposed to go to "No Name Community Church."
Nor the fact that he was a single father, even though he's not divorced, but adopted the child he was raising.
So, I thought that was stupid. And then I did something even stupider: after a conversation with my writing group, in which they told me I should say something to the publisher, I did. I sent one of those emails that you regret later. She didn't reply for about six months. I guess it took her that long to get through her inbox. Which explains why it took that long for her to even reply to my proposal in the first place. When I finally did get her heated reply, I responded with "Please don't even think about that email. I'm very embarrassed for sending it."
The whole thing was discouraging, and I never did finish the book or submit to that publisher again. But I am rather gun-shy now.
Oh, and to make matters worse, I found out that the woman with whom I had been corresponding is one of the most successful Christian authors of historical romance in the business. *headdesk*
rejection. hmmmm. I don't cope well with it, but I have found that I am getting better at ignoring it. Still, I just have this need to continue; perhaps I'm masochistic? Or just really naive. :)
ReplyDeleteRejection stings, every time. It takes me a short time to mulled over it, feel the spectrum of emotions, before I'm ready to pick myself up and trudge forward. There's always something positive to take away from a rejection, so sifting through the experience and locating what's helpful for the future makes it all worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteI don't handle the fear of it very well, I am afraid! But the actual rejection... I have sent off things before that didn't make it, and in each I could see the reasons why - I rushed, didn't take enough care, didn't know what I was doing, had no clue... in a way when the rejections came I expected them already. But this novel, this WIP... I have put so much into it (heart and soul) that I don't know if I will manage to be so stoic of rejection this time around. I think I will have to just hold my head up high and see it all as a learning curve, whatever happens. And sob into a wine glass with friends. ;)
ReplyDeleteI... um... cry. Or maybe scream. And then I try to get back to work as quickly as possible.
ReplyDeleteFear of rejection? Still working on getting over that one. I actually got nothin, so if you come across any wisdom, let me know ;)
I am yet to experience it. I am expecting it, so shouldn't be too shocked if/when I finish wip and submit. :)
ReplyDeleteLike Karen G. said, sometimes "rejection" rolls off while other times it bothers me for hours or a few days. You just have to keep writing, and keep trying to figure out what works and what doesn't and why. And remember that the "rejection" might not mean the piece is "bad." Just that the publisher prefers someone else's piece, or is overbooked, or whatever. It helps to know that some famous writers sent their work around for years before it got published. Knowing how the publishing world is does help.
ReplyDeleteIt's painful, it knocks your confidence - but in the end, you have to get up, remain strong and move on. Keep Calm and Carry On, that's what I say :)
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I live in a bubble of denial. I just don't think about it. When I receive a rejection, I try to look at it like a frog dissection manual or something instructive - then I move on. I refuse to think too much about it or let it be too personal.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone really get used to it especially when we pour our souls into our words? I know I don't that's why sending out query's and submissions are hard for me.
ReplyDeleteCD
Rejection always stings, but luckily not for long.
ReplyDeleteI kind of go into it with the expectation of lots of them ;)
Hey, thanks for the link to that list, heh, it's heartening to know some truly fabulous people came through rejection like that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that link. How interesting! Some of those I knew (like J.K. Rowling's) and some I didn't (like Judy Blume's -- Wow!)
ReplyDeleteWhen rejections get to a high enough number (over 10 or so) with no partial requests, then I take that as a sign to change something in my writing. I try to learn from them as best I can.
I've built my confidence in my work and the project I've chosen, by surrounding myself with supportive people and working hard at improving my craft.
ReplyDeleteRejection or harsh criticism still stings a little, but it doesn't devastate me. After the initial *ouch* fades (after a night of sleeping on it,) I usually realize that the criticizer was right about something, and I feel a surge of excitement when I figure out how I can solve the problem and make my writing better.
Some I expect, but others just linger like a flu for days. The next piece I submit will be better than anything else I've submitted so those rejections will be harder. Maybe I won't get any.... hahahahaha.
ReplyDeleteI guess I just remind myself I'd rather try and fail than to know I never tried. And also how incredibly competetive this field is. Sometimes that helps, but it's always hard to take anyways.
ReplyDeleteI don't recall ever getting a rude rejection, but any rejection tends to sting a little. I usually share it with the masses and move on.
ReplyDeleteI do find it interesting how many writers send a rude response to editors regarding their rejections. Not a very smart idea.