Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Transitions

If I haven’t been commenting much or eloquently lately, my apologies. I haven’t been around much. And while I don’t normally talk much about personal things, I’m going to take this post to do just that.

You might remember my taking off for a weekend wedding in Chicago a couple of weeks ago. That trip was also a journey home to see my father-in-law. Not very long ago, he was diagnosed with cancer. He underwent chemo and radiation and when all was said and done, the doctors said he was cancer free.

That didn’t last long. When he got sick again, he was told that the cancer had spread and he was Stage 4. His timeline was 6-9 months. As it turns out, that was optimistic. About a month ago, my husband went with his mother and father to Mexico, where they had retired ten years ago, to sell their home and set their affairs in order.

My father-in-law got so sick down there my husband had to stay three extra days just to get him well enough to fly home. They took him to the hospital and were told his kidneys were failing. The weekend I went back for the wedding, I took my kids back to say good-bye to their grandfather.

I went from sitting in the oppressive grief of a house waiting for death to a wedding in Holy Name Cathedral, a majestic building, to an elegant restaurant overlooking the lake and sailboats back to sitting in a room listening to my father-in-law laboring to breathe.

We came back late on Sunday. Early on Tuesday, he died, and last weekend we went back for the funeral.

In the 27 years since my in-laws embraced me as part of their family, they’ve treated me as one of their own. They love my children and have been generous, warm, and kind. I couldn’t have asked for better in-laws.

At the reception I met a friend’s brand new, month old baby. I remember the experience as surreal, the juxtaposition of life and death and the full circle of it all. And I thought about writing and how the experience of the last couple of weeks would shape me and my words.

We take what we know and through the alchemy of writing we create stories. Experience shapes us as people and writers. I am not the same in either capacity as I was last week. And while I grieve with my mother-in-law, I miss my father-in-law.

Rest in peace, David.

29 comments:

  1. Godspeed to you David, may you sing with the saints and the angels in Heaven.

    Sarah Jayne, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. *hugs* May you find the comfort you need during this time of sorrow.

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  2. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I miss both of my grandparents. *hugs*

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  3. I am so sorry for you. What a beautiful post to celebrate life, even among the sorrows. *hugs*

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  4. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. *hugs* That was a sweet post. It must have been hard to write.

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  5. What a beautiful tribute to life, while at the same time a sad farewell to a loved one. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  6. So sorry to hear about this. Hope you and your family are getting through it as well as you can be. Thinking of you!

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  7. I am so sorry to learn of this.
    I, too, was welcomed completely by my in-laws. I loved them as parents. My mother-in-law is gone and my father-in-law is failing. While we all know there are seasons to life, it is still hard.
    I'm glad you got to say good-bye and I'm sure he appreciated it. Your tribute to him is moving and beautiful. Sending you hugs.

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  8. Sending you, your husband, your children and your mother-in-law hugs and prayers. It sounds like David will be remembered with lots of love.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

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  10. So sorry for your loss. Your tribute to your FIL was so lovely and reminds me that true family are more than blood ties--they're those we love and who love us well. Wishing you comfort and healing.

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  11. My deepest sympathy to you and your family at this time of loss.

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  12. Oh! I'm so sorry for your loss, both to you, to hubby and to the kids, and of course, David's wife and other kids. Life is a series of meetings and partings, as Dickens once wrote, and your weekends certainly showed you that.

    I hope you and all the family find comfort in knowing how loved you all are, by those of us in the blogosphere, and those closest to you.

    Sending you good thoughts and prayers.

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  13. Oh these things come at us and we are never ready for them. I understand what you have been going through. It takes awhile for the stomach, mind, heart and soul to get back together and function all together once more, doesn't it?

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  14. Yours are the words of grief, but among them there is the definite sensation that your father in law left to his loved ones a legacy of memories and feelings that balances the loss of his presence.

    That he can be missed so deeply and yet still affect your lives so profoundly is a testimony of his love and caring for you all.

    He could not have received a greater tribute.

    *big hug*

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  15. What a beautiful good-bye. You got me at "I took my children to say good bye to their grandpa." And, yes, full of joys and sorrows, lives ending as the last breath goes out, and beginning as a wee one inhales her first breath. Hugs from afar!

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  16. This blog post is a beautifully written tribute, Sarah. Your love for him is clear in every line. My heart aches for you and your family.

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  17. what a sweet post. Life can be so difficult. And yet there is beauty in it, also.

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  18. Very sad to hear, Sarah Jayne.

    I'd like to add your post was beautifully written. A great tribute to your father-in-law, who will always live on in your hearts.

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  19. You did him justice by writing the most beautiful post. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and the family in my thoughts and prayers.

    It is always hard to lose someone, especially when they gave it such a hard fight. Just remember we are here for you in this time of grieving.

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  20. I'm sorry for your family's loss. I just lost two grandparents, one to cancer, and it's never easy, even when you know they've lived long, wonderful lives.

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  21. Beautiful post - so hard to lose a loved one. I think it does change us in some way every time. New life and death should change us in some way.

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  22. oh, sarahjayne. this brought tears to my eyes.

    i don't even have words.

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  23. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. There are no words I can offer, just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  24. For some moments in life there are no words - even for writers. So sorry for your family's loss, Sarahjayne. What a beautiful post and lovely tribute to David.

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  25. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, may David rest in peace. As writers, it is life that is our greatest inspiration, the beginning and the end of it.

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  26. So sorry to hear about your loss. May he rest in peace. What a beautiful post to pay tribute to your loved one. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Take care.

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  27. I'm sorry for your loss, and hope for comfort for you and the rest of your family.

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  28. I am sorry to hear of the loss of a man so dear in your life.

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  29. I'm so sorry SJS for your loss, for your family's loss.

    I am also sorry that I am just now catching up on back posts and stumbling onto this. I apologize for being so late to tell you I care, and I am sorry.

    This was beautifully written, a loving tribute. I thank you for sharing this with us and letting us share your grief and offer you our love.

    (((HUGS))) and Love,
    Lola

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