Wow. There are two blogfests this week. First up is Simon’s PG Love Scene Blogfest which is really a challenge to write a PG/MG Sex Scene. So here it is. My entry. All 210 words of it. Which probably explains why I don’t write YA or MG. The results aren’t pretty and my brain just isn’t wired for it.
The buzzer explodes with the start of the second quarter.
Fifteen minutes.
Light spills under the bleachers in the upper gym. Brandon’s breath is hot and heavy in her ear, on her neck.
Stupid Jaycee thinks she’s so cool.
Down below, the buzzer explodes again, and the crowd roars loud in her ears.
Rolling her eyes and putting her makeup on in the bathroom every morning.
Brandon’s hips jerk against hers, push her up against the bleachers. She thinks she’s going to have to have bruises on her back tomorrow.
Ranting about all the fat, ugly, annoying girls and how she blows everyone up on her My Space.
She turns her head to the shadow in the spill of light pooling under the bleachers. Her eyes meet Sam’s wide open ones.
Stupid, dirty girl thinks she’s so hot, putting up her slutty pictures so everyone can tell her how sexiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and pretty she is.
His face is locked in a rictus of shock. He can’t take his eyes off her. And Brandon.
Making sure the whole school knows how hot Brandon is and how into her he was.
A broken smile bleeds across her lips as Sam backs off and disappears.
Yeah, Jaycee, take that. That’s gonna blow up your My Space.
Wow, those kids must be getting to you at school or something. Are they really that bad? I'm thinking it's a really good thing we didn't have My Space when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteI saw this challenge and it scared me :). Yeah, tough to write about sex and keep it PG. I like what you did here, and am interested in seeing how others handled the subject.
ReplyDeleteThis is terrific. Love the edge and it reads scary real. It never even occurred to me to write something other than sweet and wholesome.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Way to write with complete realism. I'm with VR. It never even occurred to me to do anything like it.
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ReplyDeleteHm, that is a bit graphic in my opinion, with the hips moving and the bruising. As a parent, I would find that a little too much for MG, but for YA it would be okay. Though I know YA is much, much more graphic these days.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing. I love the way her mind is working through the scene.
Great job! I love the internal thoughts--really gives it that wicked, non-PG layer. :-)
ReplyDeleteI think the details are enough to make it clear what's happening, yet light enough to qualify as graphic in my mind. The revenge part seemed very true to middle school thinking. In my memory, kids were especially mean in grades 7 and 8 and mellowed later.
ReplyDeleteTough challenge! You were brave to take it on. I had an idea but realized my twist would be better marketed as adult literary. I get the sense this fest prompt is a bit of a jackelope--not something you'd find in the natural world. As a rule, sex is verboten in MG, no matter how you tone it down.
whoops, I meant, light enough to NOT qualify as graphic. Darned time change! I'm still not awake.
ReplyDeleteI like this. It really captures the nasty teenage girl dynamics.
ReplyDeleteWow1 those nasty girls. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, love how it takes us into her head--in that way, it feels alive and graphic. But otherwise, the act itself is very subtle--love that the focus is not on sex, but on the potential repercussions. That's the beauty of the short piece.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're talking about?! This was great!!! Loved it! : )
ReplyDeleteYup. I think we've all established that edgy YA is about as good as we can get with this kind of challenge. MG apparently just doesn't allow sex. Still, I'd say you did pretty well with just 210 words. Well done, good lady! :)
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm so impressed with your economy of words. Way to pack a lot of story and power into somethingso brief. Well done you!
ReplyDeleteI loved the edginess and how realistic this scene was, very well done!
ReplyDeleteWay to pack a punch with this one! What a foray into the mind of a snarky teenager...
ReplyDeleteIn high school, there was a girl who slept with another girl's boyfriend (I'm sure this, unfortunately, happens EVERYWHERE) just because she thought the girl acted too high and mighty. So, your piece reads quite authentically to the horrible reasons some girls decide to have sex...
These 210 words burn like acid!
ReplyDeleteThere's an incredible range of sensations - as a reader - in such a little space: your words might be few, but every one of them counts.
In the end, it's not the shock for the young age of the people involved, or the fact that they are "burning bridges" behind them, that cuts you.
What's really painful is the awareness that there is no sharing of feelings, or emotions, or experiences. Both of these young people seem too concentrated on themselves to be really *together*: he's in the grip of his wants and needs, and she's out for revenge and self-affirmation.
So sad...
And so outstanding, as usual!
OMG, that was intense! What a great conflict. I can feel Sam's shock. *applause*
ReplyDeleteWow - great job! Really like the internal dialogue. You've made this edgy and tense, and very readable.
ReplyDeleteWhew! Edgy and wonderfully descriptive with an economy of words. I am impressed!
ReplyDeleteFantastic job. Your character came across full fledged and very true to life (unfortunately for other girls)
ReplyDeletewhoa! this kept me riveted. and way to go for posting it!
ReplyDeleteDamn girl, you worked it out!! This rang true and fleshed out for so short a piece. It had it all; conflict, pacing, great word choices...
ReplyDeletefull of awesome!
Holy potatoes! that was wicked! I'd say awesome job, but somehow it feels... wrong. :) Very honest, intense, and riveting... Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like this, especially the first-person thoughts in between the action. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThis was indeed intense. I can't believe you didn't love it. This is exactly the type of YA I want to read when I read YA. :)
ReplyDeleteWOW! That was intense. It may not be MG, but damn girl! Don't say you can't write YA. This was perfect and totally realistic for the thoughts and feelings of a teenage girl!
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a pat on the back!
Hi, Anne. Yeah, the kids are working my last nerve, but that's because it's still three weeks from Spring Break. And yes, they really are that bad.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amy. The challenge scared us all I think. :) It was tough to balance the writing, but I'm glad you liked what I managed to come up with here. I think you'll enjoy the other entries, too.
Hi, VR. Thank you so much. Scary real works well for me. And it's funny because it never really occurred to me to write something sweet and wholesome. :) Like I said, my brain isn't wired that way.
Hi, Tina Lynn. Thanks. I'm glad this worked for you. We were all so worried, it's good this is finally over. :)
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ReplyDeleteHi, Christine. I appreciate that you were willing to read this. And thank you for finding it well-written. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Summer. Thank you. I love wicked. That really works for me. :)
Hi, Laurel. I'm glad this rings true for you. I really think kids mellow after 9th grade. Freshmen are still pretty volatile. I love your characterization of the prompt as a jackelope. :) It did seem pretty surreal.
Hi, Livia and Christine. Thanks. They really can get quite nasty in their ever shifting social landscape. :)
Hi, Carol. Thank you so much. I’m a big fan of internal dialogue. :) And yeah, it's not about the sex it's about something else altogether. All these years and I'm still amazed at some of the decision making that goes on with this age group.
Hi, Kimberly. Thank you so much. :)
Very intense! well done.
ReplyDeleteHi, Simon. Thank you so much. And thank you for such a wonderful challenge that demanded we expand our borders and comfort zones as writers.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shannon. I’ve worked a long time one paring down my verbiage and creating a more streamlined and stark style. I’m always thrilled to hear that someone values that.
Hi, Kristen. Thank you so much. Realistic is good. :)
Hi, Sara. Thanks. I’m glad you think this reads authentically. And yes, girls this age do make some very self-destructive decisions.
Hi, Nym. Hee! As usual, you are far too kind to me. And as usual, I think you are spot on. The disconnect is painful. It’s very sad and cutting. And as always, my profound thanks for your very lovely words.
Hi, Portia. Thank you. Poor Sam indeed. :)
Thanks, Talli. Like I said, I’m a big fan of internal dialogue. I’m glad you found this readable.
Very nice job. I've enjoyed reading these blogfest entries because they are such a stretch out of the comfort zone for the writers. You did a great job in taking on this challenge.
ReplyDeleteI came back from your follow on my blog to follow you. :) Looking forward to learning more about you.
Very snarky girls! This is a really interesting take. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Monica. Thank you. Economy of words makes me feel good. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, LK. Thank you for your part in spurring on this challenge. I’m glad you gave me a chance to write this.
Hi, Terry Lynn. Thank you for reading this.
Hey, Lola. Thank you. Your comment is full of awesome. :) I’m glad you liked it.
Angie-Hee! Wicked is good. And I totally get the whole ‘awesome job feels wrong’ thing. :)
Hi, Shelly. Thank you and welcome.
Amber-I’m glad my YA worked for you. I’ve never written it and it kinda scared me.
Hey, Tiffany. Ha! Thank you for the kind words and the pat on the back.
Eva! Where have you been? I’ve missed you.
Hi, Kristie. Thank you and welcome. I’m looking forward to meeting you, too.
I really liked how this wasn't even about the act itself - it was about people. Vicious, vindictive people, but people nonetheless :) Great take!
ReplyDeleteWhoa. I'm asking my daughter to cancel her myspace! That was amazing and in such few words.
ReplyDeleteHi, Sarah. Thank you. Mean girls indeed. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, MG. Thank you. And yeah, you're right. It really is all about the people and the vicious repercussions.
HI, Melanie. Thank you. And yes, My Space can be a bit much. :)
That was intense, very PG but intense in a good way. I think you could write YA it'll just be out of your normal comfort zone. But I really did like this. I'm sorry I didn't get to this yesterday but I didn't know about the fest until late last night and barly had time to post my own scene! But this was so good I wish I had gotten to it earlier.
ReplyDeleteHi, Hayley. Thank you so much and welcome. No worries about not getting here yesterday, I'm glad you got here at all. :) And I've been over to read your entry and am following you now, too.
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