Sunday, July 18, 2010

Blogfest of Death

Today is the day that Tessa over at Tessa’s Blurb is hosting her Blogfest of Death. There are a whole bunch of fantastic writers signed up, so after you finish here click here and go check them out. My entry is the scene immediately following the one I did for Mary McDonald’s Terror Tuesday Blogfest about a month ago. You can click here if you want to read that scene. If not, just read below.

He staggers out of the barracks into the first cold, grey light of dawn, bumping off bodies skeletal and empty-eyed stumbling into strained lines in the center of the yard.

Eyes tearing with cold lock forward. Face still, he stands and stares, watches a dull sun arc along a thin, tight horizon.

Nothing moves across the raw, barren, black terrain beyond the watchtowers; scorched earth, all that’s left of a long ago burn.

Down the line, somewhere to his right, someone’s hacking up the latest plague. Spine straight, head unbowed, his fingers curl into white-knuckled fists at his sides.

The wind shifts; carries the smell of burning from the remains of a wild fire dancing along the serrated slopes just past the dead fields.

The sound of the shot explodes in his head. All-too-familiar rage and fear and shame churn in his gut; tighten his chest.

Wet, grey flakes of snow and ash fall through the raw, cold daylight; filter through the dead trees, the charred, lifeless trunks still standing sightless watch on the other side of the fence line.

Ash and ice, cold and wind stretch and move across the waste like a living thing, breathe harsh and jagged along the grey, serpentine river that snakes past the camp, cleaving the cauterized landscape.

He doesn’t think he’ll survive another winter.

The jolt from the stun stick slides down his spine; buckles his knees. Hard hands shove; send him staggering across the yard.

He doesn’t look at the body or the spreading spill of bright crimson against grey on his way to the pit.


  1. Wow just wow... you rocked this blogfest and I did have to go back and read the first part so that I was fully versed in what I had jumped into so thanks for the link!

    Your descriptions are brilliant... this was one of my favorites "The wind shifts; carries the smell of burning from the remains of a wild fire dancing along the serrated slopes just past the dead fields."

  2. Very descriptive in a stark and beautiful way. Boldly original word choices to set the scene!

  3. I love the things you've done with the language here.

  4. You've painted a barren, desolate, haunting landscape....amazing atmosphere!

  5. What the...
    I don't know what's going on but it sounds awesome!
    This is more like Blogfest of Armageddon!
    Great stuff! :)

  6. Great description. It's very hot where I'm at now and this coldness was just the thing :)

    Vivid, well written.


  7. Very poetic in your delivery of the scene. I really got a sense of the bleak and hopelessnes...great job!

  8. Everyone picked up on the same thing I did: The wonderful descriptives!

    Cauterized landscape. Absolutely genius.

    - Eric

  9. Some very nice writing you've done there, and all in a Death Scene! Well done my dear. (I'm with everone else on the beautiful descriptions, here)

    Thank you for taking part in my 'fest and sharing this scene with us!


  10. It read like poetry rather than prose, beautiful voice and melody. I enjoyed this.

    Scribbler to Scribe

  11. My goodness. Love love love your word choices and the flow. I agree with others above me. Very poetic. :)

  12. Some say that a good writer can transport your mind into his/her world and help you see it with your inner eye.

    I say that an outstanding one brings you *there*, not just with sight, but with all the other senses; makes you feel and experience what the characters feel and experience.

    You belong to the second category.
    Thanks for sharing this with us.